Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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