i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
