I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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