you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
