Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
