well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
