I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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