She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she pinky promised me she was 18
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
