just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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