I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
