I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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