carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The uberlube is also flammable
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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