I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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