its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
