I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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