Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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