STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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