hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
