she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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