i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
