I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
