That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
