I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
