so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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