the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
