Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
