I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
