Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
