Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
