We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
