Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
