So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
