last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
