I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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