I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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