so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
