Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
