she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
