If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
