i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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