very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
