You're my little dorito
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
