dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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