I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
