She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think your dad took our porno
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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