Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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