Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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