I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
