i just wanna soil my oats bro
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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