3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
