We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
