yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
